Relationship – Problems and Solutions

Most of the problems come because of miscommunication.

How to have a better relationship with people

For example, let us say you are having problem with your daughter-in-law. Most of the problems come because of miscommunication. They do not understand each other. You do not see her the way she wants to present herself and she does not see you the way you are presenting due to certain presumptions in their way of living and their way of understanding. I can see this everyday in communication. I said something and then the guy wants to understand it like this, he translates it immediately into that.

Problems

So when you are speaking to someone, the person across from you is translating this into her way of understanding with all the relativity points that they have built in themselves all these years and trying to relate it to one of them, which one it is close to, “Oh this happened, somebody was like this two years ago, I guess they are the same thing, they are doing the same thing, they are selling the same thing.” So they immediately shut down the understanding because they said, “I got it.” After they say, “I got it,” then they are not actually hearing but they are not listening anymore. So no matter what you say is not going to help.

Solutions to the Problems

What must you do then? Patience is the key to all this. If I had a daughter-in-law who does not like me, what would I do? I would show some love to her. And then try to communicate. How? By doing things together. This is the key. Cook a meal together. Have her cook some meal and eat what she cooks. Or take them to dinner or do something together. Do one activity together. Do some shepherding. An activity will bring people together. What else brings people together? Common goal brings people together. Common enemy brings people together. But what we want to use in Sufism is the Common Beloved. Why are we all together all around the world? Because we want to love Allah. Love is bringing us together. What will keep the relationship going? Love. And respect to one another.

And it is He Who has created human beings from water, and then appointed for them kindred relationships by both blood and marriage. See how your Rab is ever so Qadir [Powerful]. (Al Furqan:54)

This is an edited excerpt of a Sohbet given on May 10, 2008 by Murshid Shaykh Taner Vargonen Ansari and published on sufiview.com on November 28, 2022. The translation of the Qur’an verses are also from Murshid Shaykh Taner Vargonen Ansari.

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Love, peace and togetherness in goodness

Ya Wadud Ya Salaam Ya Jami Ya Nafi